


Zero

by herdustisverypretty



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Angst, Eating Disorders, Implied AoKise, Kise being comic relief, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-09
Updated: 2017-07-09
Packaged: 2018-11-29 23:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11451063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herdustisverypretty/pseuds/herdustisverypretty
Summary: Dead boys walking.





	Zero

**Author's Note:**

> Is cliche and uses a quote from That Book. Even though I tweaked it to fit. You know I own two copies of Wintergirls? I stole my sister's copy, lost it, bought a new one, found the first one. Now I have two. I feel like that's appropriate. Or ironic. Something morbid but amusing. 
> 
> Rundown: Kuroko + Kise have eating disorders and are Ana buddies. I said I wanted to write that ages ago so I did. Akakuro dated in middle school but broke up. 
> 
> This story is depressing and angsty. You have been warned. I currently have a cold and feel miserable, so I want to spread my misery by making you guys cry.

Kuroko stared into his mirror, gazing over his body. He moved his hands down, feelings over the bumps – collarbones, chest bones, ribs, hipbones. Check, check, check, and check. He rubbed over the protruding bones, feeling like if he didn’t hold onto them, they might disappear. His phone suddenly dinged across the room, breaking the silence, so he walked over to pick it up. He was actually a little tired just from crossing his room. He picked up the phone and saw it was a message from Kise.

_Kise-kun  
_ _Kurokocchi, have you got your rubber band? ((・▽・))_

_Yes._

_Kise-kun  
_ _Good! Make sure you use it. (*≧▽≦) Stay strong ( *¯ ³¯*)♡♡♡_

Kuroko set his phone back down and returned to the mirror. He stayed there for a long time, just staring and feeling over his body. Eventually he heard the doorbell ring, so he quickly threw on his clothes and headed downstairs. Kise was in the entryway, talking to Kuroko’s mother.

“Kurokocchi!” he exclaimed in greeting. He bounded over to Kuroko and hugged him. “Ready to go?”

“Yes,” Kuroko nodded. He turned to his mother. “We’ll be back later.”

“Okay, have fun!” She kissed his cheek, then the pair of boys left.

“So, Kurokocchi, I thought we could play some basketball together,” Kise said, pulling a ball out of his bag. “Exercise is always fun! And we should probably practice for the Interhigh.”

“Sure.”

Kuroko felt a little tired, but he was up for Kise’s suggestion. He wasn’t sure it’d be exactly _fun_ with his lack of energy today, but he wanted to do it. They headed to a street court nearby and played for a while, over an hour. Kuroko was amazed at how much energy Kise always seemed to have. Where was it all coming from? Kuroko never had that much energy. Finally, they stopped when he collapsed onto the ground, lying on his back and breathing hard. Kise dropped down beside him, only a little tired out.

“That was fun!” he said cheerfully.

“Mmm,” Kuroko mumbled. His eyes were closed, and it felt like his heart was going to fail him with the way it was pounding so hard. He could barely breathe.

“So… have you talked to Akashicchi yet?” Kise asked.

Kuroko cracked one eye open to look at his friend. “No.”

“Are you going to?”

Kuroko closed his eye. “No.”

“Come on, Kurokocchi, he didn’t mean to upset you. Neither did I, and you’ve forgiven _me_.”

“Only because you’re not being an idiot anymore. Sort of…” Kuroko added as a quiet afterthought.

Kise pouted. “I guess. Losing will do that to you.”

“Then you know what needs to happen.”

“Akashicchi losing? No way.”

“We’ll see. It’s not even that he needs to lose, he just needs to recognise my style.”

“Well you need to get to that bridge before you can cross it.”

“I’ve already beaten Midorima-kun.”

“Yeah, but you need to verse Aominecchi next. Have you forgotten that he’s the strongest of all of us?”

“Akashi-kun wouldn’t be very happy to hear that.”

Kise scoffed. “He’ll get over it. Kurokocchi, how do you plan on doing this?”

“With Kagami-kun and the senpais to help me,” Kuroko answered.

“I think you’re gonna need a little more than that. Especially if you can barely keep up with me today. Aominecchi’s going to go way harder on you than I did.”

Kuroko frowned. “You’re right.”

“So?”

“Then I need to eat.”

It was Kise’s turn to frown. “Just before the game. Don’t overdo it.”

Kuroko sighed. “I know.”

“Anyways, want to head home and play videogames or something?” Kise asked. “I’m hungry after all that and I need to be distracted.”

Kuroko nodded and slowly dragged himself up off the ground. “Sure. Anything is better than food.”

* * *

It was lunchtime, and Kuroko was sitting behind Kagami in class, as per usual. Kagami had a mountain of food with him, wolfing everything down at what was probably a new record speed. He spun around, mouth still chewing, to peer at Kuroko’s single vegetable rice paper roll.

“How is that enough for you?” he asked.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Kuroko replied without looking up.  He turned the roll around a few times, not happy with the position in which it sat on his desk.

Kagami rolled his eyes, swallowed, and asked the question again.

“It just is. I don’t get very hungry,” Kuroko explained, annoyed at being bothered. He snapped the band on his wrist. It stung, turning his skin red.

Kagami shook his head. “I don’t get you at all.”

“Just eat your lunch, Kagami-kun.”

“You sure you don’t want some?”

Kuroko smiled. “Yes, I’m fine. Thank you.”

Kagami blinked at him a few times in surprise at the uncharacteristic expression. “If you say so.”

Kagami finally turned back around and continued with his lunch, leaving Kuroko in peace.

“So,” he spoke up after he’d finished eating.

“Yes?” Kuroko still hadn’t eaten all of his roll. He snapped the rubber band again.

“Game with Aomine tomorrow.”

Kuroko exhaled slowly. “Yes…”

“Is that gonna be a problem?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean, you’re not going to get emotional or something, are you?”

Kuroko sighed. “ _No_ , Kagami-kun.”

“‘Cause it sounded like you two were pretty close.”

“We were friends, but that’s not going to stop me from playing my best.”

“Right, right. Just asking.”

“Besides, Aomine-kun isn’t even the one I was closest with…”

Kagami stared at him. “Then who-?”

The bell helpfully rang at that moment, so Kuroko didn’t have to explain. Kagami turned back around and the subject was dropped. When school was finished and everyone was packing up, Kuroko felt his phone buzz once more. He took it out, expecting another text from Kise. He froze when he saw who it really was.

_Akashi-kun  
_ _Please stop ignoring me._

Kuroko put his phone down on the table and frowned. The device buzzed again.

_Tetsuya. Answer my messages._

Kuroko ignored it still. It buzzed again, vibrating through the table. Kagami spun around to face him.

“Who keeps texting you?”

Kuroko picked his phone up before Kagami could see the screen. “No one.”

“It’s obviously _someone_. Is it Kise? You two have been texting heaps since we beat Kaijou in the practice game.”

“No, it’s not Kise-kun.”

“Then who? Aomine?”

Kuroko sighed. “It’s no one you’ve met.”

Kagami gave him a suspicious look. “Well, maybe you should reply to them. They seem to really want your attention.”

“I know…” Kuroko murmured.

He leaned his head down on the table. He was so tired. And he just wanted to be alone. He wanted to curl up in bed and sleep for years. But he had to go to this game tomorrow. He wanted to beat Aomine, even though he sort of knew it wasn’t going to happen like this.

He opened the newest message from Akashi.

_I’ll be at your game tomorrow._

Kuroko felt a wave of anxiety flood his chest. Akashi was so persistent, and Kuroko was too tired to fend him off. He hadn’t seen Akashi in months, their only contact had been Akashi’s determined text messages, not that Kuroko ever replied to them. He was still hurt after what happened in middle school. Akashi was unapologetic about everything that happened, though he still seemed to care for Kuroko – _obviously_ , as he kept texting. But Kuroko didn’t really want to see him like this. It wasn’t even that Akashi had changed -Kuroko didn’t mind which Akashi it was, they were both him, after all- it was just that he, along with all the others, was being incredibly offensive. The only way for things return to normal was if he recognised Kuroko’s play style. But to even get to a game with Rakuzan, Kuroko had to beat Aomine first. And that wasn’t looking good.

“Kuroko, are you okay? You look really pale.”

He glanced up to see Kagami standing over him, looking unsure. “I’m fine, Kagami-kun.”

“You don’t look it. Are you sick or something? Are you okay to play tomorrow?”

“Of course, I am,” Kuroko insisted. And he _was_. It’d just… be a little more difficult than it should. He considered that maybe he should eat something more…

Almost as if Kagami had read his mind, he pulled something out of his bag and tossed it at Kuroko. It was an iced bun of some sort. “You need more energy,” Kagami explained. “Thank me when we win.”

Kuroko nodded, and unwrapped the bread as they started to walk home. His whole body was screaming with each tiny bite, but he ignored it and swallowed regardless. When he got home, he locked himself in his room and started his exercise routine. They hadn’t had basketball practice that afternoon, so he needed to do something else - so he didn’t feel guilty. He only stopped an hour later, sweat dripping like rain, when he heard the message tone on his phone.

_Kise-kun  
__Kurokocchiiiii, I want to binge! (_ _≧Д≦_ _) Stop me stop me!_ _ヽ_ _(_ _ﾟДﾟ_ _)_ _ﾉ_

_Don’t do that.  I’m sure you can find something else to do with your mouth._

_Kise-kun  
_ _Ooooh, sounds kinky, I like it. (^_−)_ _☆_ _I suppose I could booty call Aominecchi._

_Why don’t you do that then?_

_Kise-kun  
_ _Ookay, I’ll call him. Thanks Kurokocchi_ _☆_ _(_ _･ω･_ _*)_ _ゞ_

Kuroko was honestly stunned that Kise still had a sex drive at all. Kuroko lost what tiny amount he had eons ago. He and Akashi hadn’t been sexually active in middle school, so at least he never needed to worry about disappointing his boyfriend in the bedroom. All he had to worry about was disappointing his boyfriend everywhere else.

He ditched his phone on his bed and went to shower, feeling gross from all the sweat accumulating on his body. He returned to his room in fresh pyjamas, and picked up his phone again when he sat down on his bed. His heart jolted when he saw he had a new message.

_Akashi-kun  
_ _Please answer me, Tetsuya._

Kuroko went into the message so Akashi would know he’d seen it, and then quit the app. He considered that he shouldn’t be so cruel, but he really wasn’t in the mood to deal with Akashi. He didn’t have the energy.

* * *

“Are you feeling better today?” Kagami asked.

“Yes, thank you,” Kuroko answered.

And he was. He had eaten breakfast this morning; his mother had cooked up mountains of food in celebration of the game against Touou, and Kuroko didn’t have the heart to disappoint her by not eating. He’d eaten lightly still, but he had a little energy. Which was important for today.

“Good, we’ll need you at 100% to beat Aomine,” Kagami said. He held out his fist, and Kuroko bumped it with his own. Kagami smiled at him. “Glad you’re okay.”

Kuroko looked away in guilt. “Thank you, Kagami-kun…”

Kagami laughed and nudged him with his shoulder, apparently not having noticed Kuroko’s mood. “Let’s just hope we win.”

* * *

They lost. Kuroko was almost in tears, but he held them in as they walked back to the locker room.

“Tetsuya.”

His eyes widened, and he spun around to face the new voice. “Akashi-kun,” he said.

Kagami whipped around as well, staring Akashi down.

“I don’t want to talk right now,” Kuroko said weakly. He felt sick.

“Well we’re going to,” Akashi said firmly. He stepped forward and took Kuroko’s wrist.

“Kuroko, are you okay?” Kagami asked in concern.

“I’m fine. Go on without me, I won’t be long,” Kuroko mumbled.

Kagami gave Akashi an unimpressed look, then reluctantly left.

“What do you want?” Kuroko asked. He was tired and he felt uncomfortable. His chest hurt, and his legs were sore and wobbly. He felt kind of dizzy.

“You’ve been ignoring me,” Akashi said, softer. “I know you’re getting my messages.”

“Please just leave me alone,” Kuroko said, trying to tug his wrist away.

“You’re going to have to be stronger than that if you want to get away from me,” Akashi said, gripping his wrist tighter. “Your friend is watching us.”

Kuroko didn’t turn around, but he knew Kagami was there. “Ignore him,” he said.

“Talk to me, _please_.”

At that moment Kagami walked back over, putting his hand on Kuroko’s shoulder, almost protectively. “Kuroko, come on, we need to go.”

“Let go of me, Akashi-kun,” Kuroko murmured, looking down. “I need to go with my teammates.”

Akashi sighed in frustration and released him. “You know I have to give you credit, Tetsuya. Anyone else would have been hospitalised long ago, yet you keep going,” he said.

Kagami narrowed his eyes. “What are you talking about?” he asked.

Akashi raised a brow. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed. How Tetsuya hardly eats a thing.”

“Akashi-kun!” Kuroko said in a panic. “Stop.”

“My dear Tetsuya is anorexic,” Akashi continued. “I’m surprised you haven’t noticed actually.”

“Akashi-kun, that’s not your business to tell people,” Kuroko said, upset at his secret being revealed without his permission.

“Are you done then?” Kagami asked. “Kuroko, come on.”

He tugged at Kuroko’s arm, and the shadow complied, not giving Akashi a second glance as they walked off. They were silent as they continued to the locker room. Kuroko finally spoke up. “Do you think differently of me now?” he asked quietly.

“What? No. I mean I kinda knew, but I wasn’t sure,” Kagami said. “I’m concerned though. You need to take care of yourself. The team can’t lose you. I don’t want anything to happen.”

Kuroko felt tears stinging his eyes. “Nothing will happen.”

“You say that, but you don’t know,” Kagami said. He stopped, putting a hand on Kuroko’s shoulder. “You need to get better. For me, for the team. For you.”

Kuroko’s tears were welling, and he squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m not talking about this,” he said. He turned on his heel and started to run, ignoring Kagami’s shouts of his name.

He kept running, down the empty halls until he was wheezing. His head felt weird, like his brain was made of rippling water. There was a stabbing pain in his chest and stomach, and he collapsed to his hands and knees, breathing rapidly. He closed his eyes, and dropped down, giving in to the darkness that was encroaching on his mind.

* * *

Kuroko blinked his eyes open, head swimming and feeling groggy, to see he was in a hospital room. He tried to sit up, only to have two hands, one on either side of him, pushing him back down.

“Don’t get up yet,” Kagami said. “You’re still weak.”

Kuroko glanced around, seeing Kagami on his left and Akashi on his right. Kagami looked worried, but relieved. Akashi’s face was emotionless.

“What happened?” Kuroko asked.

“You fainted and hit your head,” Akashi explained. “You’re lucky your friend followed you.”

Kuroko glanced up at Kagami. “You looked after me?”

“Yeah. I carried you to the ambulance. It’s good you’re awake. The doctor said you have a concussion-” he paused “-and that you’re really malnourished. He said if you don’t eat, they’ll force you to.”

Kuroko’s eyes filled with tears again, his bottom lip quivering as he tried not to cry.

“Don’t drop that on him right when he’s woken up,” Akashi said in an annoyed voice.

“He should know,” Kagami argued.

“He needs to rest, not be terrified.” Akashi sighed and looked at Kuroko. “Tetsuya, you do need to eat though. You need to regain your strength.”

“Don't tell me what to do,” Kuroko said harshly, not looking at Akashi.

“Okay, you two really need to work out this thing you have going,” Kagami said. “I’m going to go, and you two are going to talk this out. Kuroko, I’ll be outside.”

He left, leaving Kuroko staring at the wall, away from his ex.

“Tetsuya, stop being so stubborn,” Akashi said.

“You’re one to talk. Haven’t you got the message that I’m not interested in speaking to you?”

Akashi narrowed his eyes. “You’re being very cruel.”

Kuroko exhaled a sigh. “I guess I am.”

“You heard Kagami. If you don’t eat, they’ll force you.”

“Then let them. I’ll just starve again when I get out.”

Akashi sighed in frustration. “When is this going to stop? What are you trying to achieve?”

Kuroko stared at the ceiling, listening to the faint beeps of his heart rate on the computer behind him. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Akashi repeated sceptically.

“I just want to feel something,” Kuroko murmured.

“You weren’t always like this,” Akashi said. “What changed?”

“We did. We all did. Teikou changed,” Kuroko answered. “You changed.”

Akashi stared at him. “So this is my fault?” he asked quietly.

“No. It’s no one’s fault.”

“If I hadn’t changed would you be okay?”

“No. I’d still be this,” Kuroko said.

Akashi was silent for a minute, then he leaned down to his bag to pull something out. “Atsushi gave me this,” he said. Kuroko looked over to see he held a box of strawberry Pocky. “Please eat. For me.”

Kuroko pursed his lips. “On one condition.”

“Anything.”

“You feed it to me.”

Akashi raised a brow. “I accept.”

He pulled out one of the pink sticks and held it up to Kuroko’s lips.

“No, not like that,” Kuroko said, shaking his head.

“Ah. I see,” Akashi nodded, smiling.

He fit the Pocky between his own lips and then positioned himself in front of Kuroko. Kuroko nibbled on his end, moving down the stick until their lips were touching. He swallowed, and then Akashi pushed his tongue into Kuroko’s mouth. He tasted sweet, comforting. Familiar. Akashi got out another stick of Pocky, and they repeated eating together until the box was empty.

“Satisfied?” Kuroko asked.

“For now. You did well. I’m proud of you,” Akashi said with a smile.

Kuroko blushed at the praise. “When can I get out of here?”

“They said you could go if you ate. So you’re fine to leave now. Rakuzan still has a game, but I’m not playing. Will you let me look after you?” Akashi asked, holding out his hand.

Kuroko took it, entwining their fingers. “I want to go home.”

“Of course. Anything you want,” Akashi said.

“Anything?” Kuroko asked.

“What else do you want?” Akashi questioned.

Kuroko bit his lip. “I want you back.”

“You’ve always had me. You’re the one who turned me away.”

“Ogiwara? Does that ring any bells?”

“Your friend?” Akashi asked. “What about him?”

Kuroko sighed in frustration. “Fine. If you don’t care about that, fine.” He paused, his expression softening. “I can’t show you yet… But in the Winter Cup, I’ll make you see.”

Akashi raised an eyebrow. “Very well. Do your best. Until then, at least let me keep an eye on you?”

“Take me home first,” Kuroko said. “Then we’ll see.”

Akashi seemed dissatisfied with the answer. “Okay,” he said softly. He reached over and picked up the remote that lay beside Kuroko. He pressed one of the buttons on it. “To call the nurse,” he said.

They were silent as they waited, not even looking at each other. Kuroko might have cried if he wasn’t so tired. The nurse came and disconnected him from the machines. She smiled at him and wished him better health. Kuroko just nodded and didn’t meet her eye.

“Kuroko, you okay?” Kagami asked when they stepped out of the room.

“Yes, thank you, Kagami-kun. I’m going home now.”

“Do you want me to come with?” Kagami asked, giving Akashi a suspicious glance.

“No, I’m okay. Akashi-kun is taking me back,” Kuroko answered.

“Okay. The senpais should still be in the waiting room I think, if you want to see them,” Kagami said.

“Thank you. I’ll say goodbye before I leave.” Kuroko paused. “Thank you for taking care of me,” he said with a bow.

“Seriously, it’s nothing,” Kagami said awkwardly. “Don’t bow at me, it’s weird. Just look after yourself, all right?”

“Yes, thank you,” Kuroko repeated.

“I must thank you as well,” Akashi said.

“What? Why?” Kagami asked in confusion.

“For looking out for him in my absence,” Akashi said. “I appreciate it.”

“O-Oh, right. Not a problem,” Kagami mumbled. He stared at them scrupulously. “Are you two dating or something?”

Kuroko blushed. “N-Not anym-”

“Yes,” Akashi interrupted. “We are. Since middle school.”

Kagami nodded. “I thought so.”

“You don’t mind?” Kuroko asked.

“Huh? No? Why would I mind?”

“Some people don’t like two boys being together,” Kuroko said.

“Dude, I lived in America. I had _heaps_ of gay friends there,” Kagami said.

Kuroko smiled. “Well, I’m glad you’re my friend,” he murmured. “Thank you.”

He and Akashi left, Kuroko stopping in the waiting room to see his senpais to assure them that he was fine. They were also curious about Akashi, but Kuroko refused to indulge them with any information about him, and Akashi himself kept his distance when Kuroko was talking to them. Akashi then had a car drive them back to Kuroko’s house, but they remained silent again for the journey. Kuroko had touched Akashi’s hand while they were quietly sitting in the backseat, and Akashi had smiled and clasped them together. It was somewhat comforting, but at the same time it also made Kuroko’s heart ache. When they arrived at Kuroko’s house, his mother came rushing out to scoop Kuroko into her arms.

“Are you okay!? I’m sorry I couldn’t visit at the hospital!” she cried. “Come inside, come inside.” They went in, and Kuroko dropped onto one of the seats in the living room. “Thank you for bringing him home, Seijuurou-kun,” his mother said.

Akashi smiled. “It’s not a problem. I wanted to make sure he was okay.”

“What did they say at the hospital?”

“Mum, I’m right here, you could ask _me_ ,” Kuroko mumbled.

“Did they call you?” Akashi asked. Kuroko’s mother nodded. “What did they tell you?”

Kuroko was anxious to hear this as well. His parents didn’t know about his illness, and he wanted to keep it that way.

“Well, that he’s very thin, and not eating enough. Did they say anything else to you?” his mother asked worriedly.

“Not particularly. But I am very concerned,” Akashi said. “He’s not eating.”

“Akashi-kun,” Kuroko said in a warning tone.

“A-At all?” his mother asked.

“Barely.”

“I eat enough,” Kuroko insisted.

“Clearly you don’t, Tetsuya,” Akashi replied. “You weren’t just hospitalised for feeling a little faint. You fell and hit your head. That’s dangerous.”

Kuroko’s mother started crying. He didn’t know what to do. He stood up and moved to where she sat, putting his arms around her. She turned around and hugged him back, crying into his shoulder.

“I’ve failed as a mother,” she sobbed. “I’m not looking after you.”

“No, mum, it’s not that,” Kuroko mumbled. “It’s not your fault.”

“Are you really starving yourself?” she asked.

Kuroko looked away in guilt and didn’t answer. His mother started crying again.

“Akashi-kun, can you go please?” he asked tiredly.

Akashi frowned. “Tetsuya-”

“No. Just go.”

Akashi sighed, but he did what Kuroko wanted. He slipped off without another word, leaving Kuroko to deal with his sobbing parent on his own.

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty sure that if you faint for longer than a few seconds you get brain damage. Oh well. This is fanfiction. Of an aNIME. We all know they're not realistic. Especially this one. 
> 
> Also do u kno how hard it is to write Bokushi being caring? Like part of his whole personality is that he STOPPED caring about his teammates. THAT'S WHY HE'S BOKUSHI AND NOT ORESHI. So to write him being an ass but still caring about Kuroko is like. Super hard. Yeesh. 
> 
> I don't really know what I'm going to do for part 2, but have this for now anyway. If you don't want to comment, that's fine I guess. I've noticed a lot of people hesitate to comment on fics like this. If you leave a kudos I'll be happy.


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